Tag: conversations

hey, clown, we’re gonna put you in the ground

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[22:02:59] Anna: i served nick and louis reynolds in spar today
[22:03:04] Anna: and louis is so loud
[22:03:07] Anna: charming but loud
[22:03:09] Brosencrantz: he is a bit
[22:03:09] Anna: i sat next to him in my seminar on monday
[22:03:17] Anna: and i left deaf in my right ear
[22:03:20] Brosencrantz: I may be responsible for getting him excited though
[22:03:32] Brosencrantz: you know those like flat trolleys for moving big crates around?
[22:03:36] Anna: yes, nick did say he’d just seen you
[22:03:38] Anna: yes
[22:03:54] Brosencrantz: we were using one for moving out the last of toby’s shit
[22:04:17] Brosencrantz: and we had to return it to the history department after
[22:04:19] Brosencrantz: and er
[22:04:27] Brosencrantz: louis got on it and I pushed him around while he pretended to be a tank commander
[22:04:58] Brosencrantz: there are those ramps outside the mason lounge
[22:05:02] Brosencrantz: dr b heard “TO THE RHINE” from his fourth floor office
[22:05:52] Brosencrantz: so um
[22:05:53] Brosencrantz: my fault
[22:06:06] Anna: THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU

[17:14:13] Hovercraft: so russian numbers are mostly pretty logical
[17:15:13] Hovercraft: 23 is “dvadsat’ tree”, where dvadsat’ is like “two-ten” and tree is obviously three
[17:15:16] Hovercraft: so similar to english
[17:15:31] Hovercraft: and all the teens follow the same pattern, including eleven and twelve
[17:15:36] Hovercraft: which are freak numbers in english
[17:15:41] Hovercraft: but then 40 is sorok
[17:15:49] Hovercraft: which doesn’t follow the pattern at all
[17:15:55] Hovercraft: WHY
[17:18:30] Hovercraft: According to the most common version, the word comes from the term “bundle of fur skins” (sables, martens, etc..), Which accounted for the title number, represented the standard unit measures, trade and storage of these skins. Skins wrapped in tissue, “Forty” (a word akin to the word ” shirt “, from the ancient” sorochka “Old Slavic” srachitsa “asshole, asshole) [1] .
[17:18:31] Hovercraft: WHAT THE FUCK

paedophiles have more genes in common with crabs than with you and me

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[01:47:37] Hovercraft: how is Ø pronounced in danish anyway?
[01:47:57] Brosencrantz: it’s a sort of “euh” sound
[01:48:18] Brosencrantz: oeutoft
[01:48:25] Brosencrantz: but short
[01:48:48] Hovercraft: goddamn them and their multiple different vowel forms
[01:48:53] Hovercraft: how dare they remove ambiguity
[01:48:53] Brosencrantz: da
[01:48:59] Brosencrantz: I know
[01:49:01] Brosencrantz: it’s fucking sick
[01:50:11] Hovercraft: it’s been scientifically proven that 100% of the beauty of english lies in the fact that you haven’t a goddamn clue how to pronounce a particular vowel in any word a priori
[01:50:40] Brosencrantz: that doesn’t sound like science to me
[01:50:49] Hovercraft: I said a priori
[01:50:51] Hovercraft: that’s latin
[01:50:52] Hovercraft: LATIN
[01:50:56] Hovercraft: AKA SCIENCE
[01:50:59] Brosencrantz: LATIN IS THE LANGUAGE OF THE CHURCH
[01:51:00] Brosencrantz: NOT SCIENCE
[01:51:04] Brosencrantz: PAPIST
[01:51:11] Hovercraft: LATIN WAS THE LINGUA FRANCA OF SCIENCE FOR CENTURIES
[01:51:20] Brosencrantz: WHILE SCIENCE WAS A COCKPUPPET FOR THE POPE
[01:51:50] Hovercraft: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_priori_(languages) fuck
[01:52:14] Hovercraft: Examples of a priori languages include Ro, Solresol, Mirad, Klingon, and Na’vi.
[01:52:20] Hovercraft: kill everything

shaggy hat story

On By brosencrantzIn Uncategorised9 Comments

Phone call to Ben, who constantly needles me re hats and TF2.
“Mr M! Are you responsible for the parcel that greeted me today?”
“Er… not that I know of!”
“It’s a hat.”
“No, that wasn’t me.”
“It’s a pretty good hat. Not cheap. I thought it might have been you, given endless TF2-related hat shenanigans.”
“Yeah. I rather wish it was me now. Damn, beaten to the hat-trolling.”

Phone call to my littlest brother.
“Bro, did you send me a hat?”
“Er. What?”
“A hat came in the post for me today. No return address, no inkling of who it’s from. It’s a really snazzy hat, but… I’m just confused.”
“Wasn’t me.”
“Damn. I ask because there was a small mistake on the address, which is the same as in an address I gave you before. Who’ve you been giving my address to?”
“Only Lene…”
“Doesn’t seem her style; she sends me My Little Pony instead.”
“Sorry bro, no idea. I can say it was me if you like?”
“Thanks for the offer, but no. Aight. Love to famille.”

Tweet Philip (who is the first man I think of when I think of classy hats.)
Me: Mr Reeve, were you the source of a rather nice (dapper!) present that arrived on my doorstep today?
Philip: I don’t think so… but maybe I should take the credit anyway. What was it?
Me: A hat. If it’s not you I am plumb out of ideas.
Philip: You have a mystery hat benefactor! That’s cool! Or possibly creepy. Oh, and ‘pics or it didn’t happen’ as you youngsters say.
Me: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8641285/ihavenoidea.jpg It’s too small for my comically oversized bonce, so perhaps I shall exchange it for a larger one…
Me: ..when I work out WHY ON EARTH I HAVE BEEN SENT A HAT.

Text my cousin, who’s one of the few remaining people who know my uni address.
Me: Alright, I can’t think of why you would have, but did you send me a hat?
Joey: Er, no, i definitely didn’t. What sort of hat? Secret admirer maybe?
Me: Pork pie hat. Black wool. Well classy. Arrived anonymously. Deeply confused.
Joey: Wow, that is very strange. Sounds good tho. Hand written address?
Me: No, has been bought through some internet company.
Joey: Even weirder. Your bio bro? Mum? Does it fit?
Me: No no and not really :( my head is too big.

Hit my middle brother up on facebook chat.
Me: did you send me a hat?
Me: I can’t think of why you might have but I’ve kind of exhausted the reasonable possibilities at this point
Olly: Umm… When?
Olly: I don’t think I did…
Me: Today. Arrived on my doorstep. It’s a cool hat but I AM SO CONFUSED.
Olly: umm… sure it’s for you?
Olly: I’ve not sent you one
Me: it’s addressed to me
Olly: umm, interesting
Olly: :\ No idea!
Me: hum
Me: oh well
Me: cheers
Olly: I want a hat now
Me: MINE
Olly: what kind of hat?
Olly: Maybe you have a secret admirer?
Me: http://www.hatsandcaps.co.uk/Jaxon-Hats-Pork-Pie-Hat-P135065/ this kind of hat
Me: what kind of secret admirer sends you a fucking hat
Me: …and knows my address
Olly: that’s not a bad hat…
Olly: Maybe it’s a TF2 related joke?
Me: that’s what I thought, but I phoned up the chap I would expect that joke from and he denied all involvement
Olly: ah…
Olly: absolutely no idea then!
Me: that makes five of us
Me: so far

Me: bro
Me: forgive me if this is something of a left field question
James: …right
James: continue
Me: did you send me a hat?
James: did you receive an anonymous hat?
Me: yes
James: well, i hate to disappoint, but it wasn’t me
Me: well I’m just terminally confused now
James: …what kind of hat was it?
Me: http://www.hatsandcaps.co.uk/Jaxon-Hats-Pork-Pie-Hat-P135065/
James: that exact hat?
Me: da
James: maybe it’s someone who wishes to see your style evolve
James: equally, it could be an assassin’s calling card
James: don’t sleep
Me: ordinarily that wouldn’t be a problem, but I left my flask in kent at the weekend and have been criminally undercaffeinated since
Me: hum
James: you’re fucked m8
Me: it’s a hat not a goddamn letter bomb bro
James: it has a hidden camera
James: it’s covered with syphilis
James: there’s a needle inside with HIV blood
Me: there’s probably some perfectly innocuous reason for this, like someone asked me to post something to them, and I’ve forgotten about the whole affair with my sieve memory
Me: oh
Me: wait
Me: yeah
Me: that’s it
Me: well done me
Me: yeah it’s for a friend who can’t get things posted to their country
Me: I am middlemanning
Me: right
James: aah
Me: better take this to the post office

it’s a shallow little trench and it’s giving off a stench

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eQ JulieT: hey, do you want a cheap big country ?
Brosencrantz: depends, is it an AIDS-ridden shithole?
eQ JulieT: dunno
eQ JulieT: i guess thats relative
eQ JulieT: relative to team captain – yea
eQ JulieT: relative to hatless engy, not so much
Brosencrantz: oh – big country as in the hat?
eQ JulieT: ye
eQ JulieT: lol
Brosencrantz: sorry, I got confused, thought you were trying to sell me libya or something
eQ JulieT: lol
eQ JulieT: i don’t own libya
Brosencrantz: well who DOES?

starting to damage my calm

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Neshaan: I’m in the mood to go out roller blading
(0v0) Brosencrantz: I… haven’t gone rollerblading since I was like 12
(0v0) Brosencrantz: :(
Neshaan: then your skates probably won’t fit anymore
Neshaan: ohh I’m being silly, weren’t you 12 last year? :P
(0v0) Brosencrantz: oh come on, surely you can do better than that
Neshaan: look, it’s a million degrees here, I’ve been out hiking all day because I’m bored and right now I’ve got noms that need to set in the fridge for several more hours and I’m impatient – what do you want from me?! I can’t work like this!
(0v0) Brosencrantz: GRACE UNDER PRESSURE
Neshaan: DID YOU STOP SKATING BECAUSE YOUR FEET GREW TOO BIG WHEN YOU TURNED INTO A TRANSEXUAL PACHYDERM
(0v0) Brosencrantz: ah excellent
(0v0) Brosencrantz: that’s much better
(0v0) Brosencrantz: have a sugar-free biccie
Neshaan: *crunch*
(0v0) Brosencrantz: …ow
Neshaan: *spit*
(0v0) Brosencrantz: pah, I was expecting you to *obvious dirty joke*
Neshaan: this tastes of the bitter tears of your failure to breathe life into a hopeless dream and career
(0v0) Brosencrantz: eeeee
(0v0) Brosencrantz: more!
(0v0) Brosencrantz: HARDER!
Neshaan: next time wear a goddamn facemask when you slave in the kitchen
Neshaan: preferably the one you’re forced to wear out in public so you won’t scare the school children
Neshaan: then it’ll cover your scabby head as well, I expect it’s flaking a lot now that I pulled out most of your tupee
(0v0) Brosencrantz: TAKE ME
(0v0) Brosencrantz: NOW
Neshaan: oh god why oh why did I put that in my mouth
(0v0) Brosencrantz: <3333
Neshaan: *bows* thank you, I'm here all week
Neshaan: except possibly on monday, I might be out then
(0v0) Brosencrantz: damn, I'm a glutton for punishment
Neshaan: you are a glutton for only one thing, cocksucker
Neshaan: ….cock

democracy tempered with assassination

On By brosencrantzIn Uncategorised3 Comments

[16:53:07] sry_101: whats this i hear that for one of your essays you made up all the references hmmm
[16:53:21] Brosencrantz: the one I got 77 in?
[16:53:29] Brosencrantz: are you judging me? =(
[16:53:44] sry_101: a little
[16:53:54] Brosencrantz: mean
[16:54:04] soraya hassan: hardly
[16:54:10] Brosencrantz: cruel
[16:54:48] sry_101: no…now your exaggerating
[16:55:00] Brosencrantz: judgmental
[16:55:38] sry_101: hardly, those books in your room are just for show…
[16:55:53] Brosencrantz: IT’S TRUE THEY ARE
[16:55:55] Brosencrantz: I CAN’T READ =(
[16:56:21] sry_101: you’re doing pretty well at reading this
[16:56:29] Brosencrantz: text to speech software
[16:57:14] sry_101: you do ok with texts
[16:57:18] Brosencrantz: speech to text software